A researcher called
G. W. Bush house in Austin. G. W was sleeping in late and was awaken
by the call. He was half-asleep when he answered the phone.
Researcher: Excuse me, sir. I'm conducting a survey
GW Bush: Questions? No political questions.
Reseacher: Political, sir?
GW Bush: Do you know who you are calling?
Researcher: We call numbers at random, sir. May I ask --
GW Bush: What is this about?
Researcher: We are asking people do they think COKE beats PEPSI.
GW BUSH: I've never tried Pepsi. Is that a new thing?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 11 Reasons Time
Magazine Named Bush Man Of The Year...
11. The CIA insisted.
10. He bought 100,000 subscriptions in the Publisher's Clearinghouse
Sweepstakes.
9. Editors making up for overlooking Barbara Bush as Man of the Year.
8. Doug Flutie turned it down.
7. Just another example of the liberal media conspiracy.
6. Four Words: Contributing Editor Antonin Scalia.
5. Dick Cheney's photograph scares children.
4. Confusing ballots split vote between Al Gore and Pokemon.
3. Newsweek double-dog-dared them.
2. Time confused him with his father, too.
1. He was nearly elected President!
~~~~~~~~~~~
George W. Bush went
to his mail box several times looking for the mailman. His Dad noticed
G.W's repeated trips to the curb and asked if he was waiting for a special
letter. "No," replied G.W., "My computer keeps telling me I have mail."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Einstein dies and
goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look
like Einstein, but you have NO idea what some people will do to sneak
into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for
a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear.
Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his
theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really
ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!" The next to arrive is Picasso.
Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if
I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso
erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with
just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the
great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!" Then Saint Peter
looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and
says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How
can you prove yours?" George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are
Einstein and Picasso?" Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."
~~~~~~~~~~~
According to the
latest presidential polls, Al Gore and George W. Bush are running in
a dead heat. Gore looks dead and Bush looks like he's in heat.
~~~~~~~~~~~
When his dad was
the President, Young George W Bush was stopped by a police officer for
speeding. The officer asked him very nicely if he could see his license.
Young Bush replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me
to show it to you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
George W. goes to
her doctor, complaining of pain.
"George, Where are you hurting?" asks the doctor.
"All over!" George replies.
"What do you mean, all over?" the doctor asks. "Can you be a little
more specific?"
So George touches his knee with his index finger. "Ow! That hurts."
Then he touches his left cheek. "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then he touches
his right earlobe, "Ow! Even that. hurts," he cries.
The doctor examines him briefly and announces his diagnosis: "You have
a broken finger."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
